**This is certainly not the posting I sat down to write today but this is what came out. When I write I just simply go with the flow and this was obviously something that I needed to clean off my psyche. Thank you for listening!**
"Sitting on the dock of the bay, watching the tides roll away...Sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time"
Well actually I'm sitting next to B's hospital crib watching the numbers jump up and down on his monitor but it kinda feels like the same thing sometimes. Don't get me wrong, B's feeling well and his energy levels have certainly come up but sometimes it just feels like I'm in a time warp or an endless cycle.
I think I'm just a touch melancholic today as I just read the news about how a Mom (of a 14 yr old severely Autistic girl), at her wits end with life, tried to kill them both. The hardest part? She's certainly not the first to try and sadly won't be the last.
Now I know that a Mom that would kill her child is shocking in the best (?) of times but take a moment and think about a Mom who was a fellow blogger, an advocate and well supported with family and friends that saw no other way out. Yes, you can get angry and say there is always another way, there is always help, but is there? Isn't it so very sad that this Mom thought differently, that she felt so completely overwhelmed and alone that murder/suicide was her only option? I guess what I question is that how are she and I different, really different I mean. No, I have no desire to harm my children, please don't think I do! But she's a Mom, I'm a Mom. She's got a child with Special Needs, I've got 2. She loves to write and blog and advocate for her child, ditto. She (seemingly) has a very supportive network around her, as do I...so WHAT, what went so horribly wrong?
We as Mom's (neuro typical children or not) seemingly think we can do it all. We, as Mom's of Special Needs children, think we can do it all as well but we think we need to and have to do it all ourselves, alone. The burnout among parents of kids with extraordinary needs is huge (as you can well imagine) and I think about how completely bone tired I am on a good day. What frustrates me is that I've had to beg, borrow and plead for each and everything my children have in terms of support (governmental). Now I'm a Mom that 'knows' the system for the most part and I still have to fight each and every step of the way for what we need and want for the boys. I certainly can't imagine how it would be to 1) not know the system and what supports there are (I kind of remember those days but I've been neck deep in this for awhile now) and 2) to be in a Province (or Country) that doesn't offer much help or support (or it costs a great deal of money). It frustrates me and it exhausts me, (more then a horrific night with Braeden being awake every 10-20 mins).
Something needs to change, I just wish I knew what. I am so horribly saddened that things like this (the killing of the innocent) have to come to light in order for change to be considered. Do I find the idea of harming one's children reprehensible? Yes, yes I do but do I think I understand this woman on a molecular level of how much she must have been suffering to get to this point? Sadly I think I do.
I realize that many of you aren't in the pool of life with us directly with your own Special Needs kiddos necessarily but if you're reading my positing then chances are you're touched or have been touched by someone with those Special Needs. Do me a favour, as small of a favour or as big as you'd like: Instead of saying, "I don't know how you do it", try saying, "I'd like to do ____ to give you a hand". Now chances also are that the Mom that you're offering that to will try to dissuade you, even tell you it's not necessary. Try, if you will, to persist. We all need help, all of us, we all need a break sometimes and what we all need most of all is kindness.
There are many things you can do in your day but kind words to someone, a friend or stranger, will be remembered at the end of each day.
(Please note that I'm not asking for help for myself, I've got an amazing group of family and friends that support us but instead to please just be kind to one another. Help one another, support one another and if you can, offer to do something kind for a Mom in need, even if it's simply "You're doing a great job".)
My hopes are that Isabelle Stapleton can and will make a full recovery and that change can and will happen.
Please my friends, just take a moment and be kind to one another.